It's six months or six weeks or six days before your wedding and gradually you're beginning to suspect, or perhaps suddenly you're realizing, that your one true love has a major problem, and that problem is spelled M-O-M. What started as an invitation to a cake tasting or flower appointment out of politeness has become an expectation that she is to be not only included in every decision, but to have veto power over everything from color schemes to seating charts. Perhaps your future mother in law is footing all or part of the bill for your big day and as a result you feel limited in your ability to, or completely unable to, reign in the runaway train that is your control freak future mother in law.
Before you know what's hit you she's "suggesting" changes to everything from seating to flowers, colors to, yes, your dress. She wants to talk to you more about her role in the big day and her outfit than you and your beloved's ceremony or the fabulous party you're planning to throw or the awesome reception hall you've booked, DJ you've chosen or caterer you're considering. You're at your wits end with this lady, but if at all possible would really like the beginning of your happy life with your new spouse not to be the beginning of a world war with your mother in law.
Particularly if MIL is holding the purse strings, you're going to be limited in your ability to absolutely put your foot down. Even if future MIL doesn't have a financial stake in the wedding, keeping harmony in the budding family means keeping the peace between you and the MIL. This is a job for the Maid/Matron of Honor, or a trusted Bridesmaid. All of the "politely put your foot down and disinvite MIL from the appointments" suggestions in the world won't help if you have a particularly persistent MIL or if MIL is footing the bill. What you need is a wing-woman. From now on you don't deal with MIL on your own, particularly if you are close to snapping.
Call a meeting of your Maid/Matron of honor and your most trusted Bridesmaid(s) well before you next appointment or planned outing. Explain to them in polite but clear terms that you need your ladies to start taking on some tasks perhaps a bit early, and one of those tasks is to keep everyone in the party (not just MIL!) focused, positive and moving forward. Suggest that they distract folks or change the subject of conversation if people get too fixated on one topic or another. Work out a signal ahead of time for "change the subject, distract that person, get me out of here!!, etc." If you have the type of Maid/Matron of honor or bridesmaid you can be completely honest with, then lay it on the line and simply tell her that MIL needs a handler to distract her when she starts to get on your last nerve. If that's not the case, though, you can still work out some general wing-woman game signals before hand so your Maid/Matron of honor and bridesmaid(s) help keep not just your MIL, but your whole wedding party, in line and on task throughout each and every appointment, from cake tasting to dress shopping to favor making and even last minute DIY detail parties and wedding rehearsals. In short, don't be afraid to use your wedding party to give you the help you need to ensure that you are able to get through the planning and lead up to your wedding day as insulated from outside stressors, including a Momzilla mother in law, as possible.
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